emailsfromthedccc
emailsfromthedccc:

INT. HOUSE ON DGA HILL - DAY
ANNOUNCER (V/O): Hey kids! What time is it? KIDS (V/O): POLLING BEAR TIME! ANNOUNCER (V/O): That’s right!
JINGLE: I love you, you love me/Money’s our dem-o-cra-cy/With a million emails sent from me to you/won’t you opt for One Click too?
Polling Bear enters with kids.
POLLING BEAR: Hey kids! KIDS: HEY POLLING BEAR! POLLING BEAR: How are you today? BILLY: I’m sad, Polling Bear. POLLING BEAR: Oh no! Why’s that? BILLY: I’m concerned we won’t be able to effectively counter the negative ads being run this very second in key swing states by the GOP! POLLING BEAR: Don’t be sad, Billy! We have a chance to shut down the Tea Party and win even in Southern states!Kids gasp. SUZY: You mean states like Georgia and Florida and even South Carolina? POLLING BEAR: That’s right! BILLY: But how, Polling Bear? POLLING BEAR: Well, Billy, it’s all up to your parents. SUZY: Our parents? POLLING BEAR: That’s right, Suzy. We need your parents to come up with $50,000 by midnight tomorrow, or else!Kids gasp. SUZY: Or else what? POLLING BEAR: That’s not for me to say, Suzy. But at a minimum, conservative policies will render their jobs obsolete and their savings worthless, and your personal autonomy as a woman will be outlawed!Kids gasp. STEVEY: Polling Bear, my dad says you’re wrong about this, that only the markets can create jobs and prosperity, and that free birth control is for women who can’t keep it in their pants. POLLING BEAR: Your dad sounds like a real asshole, Stevey.Kids gasp. BILLY: So what do we do, Polling Bear? POLLING BEAR: Why, get your parents to donate, of course! SUZY: But isn’t political fundraising a race to the bottom that perpetuates our broken legislative system and enslaves progressive candidates to the same forces pushing the policies we’re campaigning against?Polling Bear pauses for 45 seconds. POLLING BEAR: No! STEVEY: This all sounds great, Polling Bear, but do you have this same information in a shorter, more easily digestible, really garish format that I can read on my daily commute, and then fourteen further times during the day? POLLING BEAR: I sure do!Kids cheer. POLLING BEAR: Now gather ‘round, kids - let’s all sign this birthday card to President Obama! SUZY: Why? POLLING BEAR: God dammit, Suzy.
ANNOUNCER (V/O): Next week, on Polling Bear…
INT. HOUSE ON DGA HILL - NIGHT
Polling Bear pulls up FiveThirtyEight on his iPad. POLLING BEAR: It’s storytime, kids! Tonight, I’ll tell you the tale of how Nate Silver slew the Giant Kentucky Turtle… SUZY: I think you’re misrepresenting Nate Silver’s conclusions about this race, Polling Bear. POLLING BEAR: Suzy, if you could just shut the fuck up for five seconds.
Cut to commercial.

emailsfromthedccc:

INT. HOUSE ON DGA HILL - DAY

ANNOUNCER (V/O): Hey kids! What time is it?
KIDS (V/O): POLLING BEAR TIME!
ANNOUNCER (V/O): That’s right!

JINGLE: I love you, you love me/Money’s our dem-o-cra-cy/With a million emails sent from me to you/won’t you opt for One Click too?

Polling Bear enters with kids.

POLLING BEAR: Hey kids!
KIDS: HEY POLLING BEAR!
POLLING BEAR: How are you today?
BILLY: I’m sad, Polling Bear.
POLLING BEAR: Oh no! Why’s that?
BILLY: I’m concerned we won’t be able to effectively counter the negative ads being run this very second in key swing states by the GOP!
POLLING BEAR: Don’t be sad, Billy! We have a chance to shut down the Tea Party and win even in Southern states!
Kids gasp.
SUZY: You mean states like Georgia and Florida and even South Carolina?
POLLING BEAR: That’s right!
BILLY: But how, Polling Bear?
POLLING BEAR: Well, Billy, it’s all up to your parents.
SUZY: Our parents?
POLLING BEAR: That’s right, Suzy. We need your parents to come up with $50,000 by midnight tomorrow, or else!
Kids gasp.
SUZY: Or else what?
POLLING BEAR: That’s not for me to say, Suzy. But at a minimum, conservative policies will render their jobs obsolete and their savings worthless, and your personal autonomy as a woman will be outlawed!
Kids gasp.
STEVEY: Polling Bear, my dad says you’re wrong about this, that only the markets can create jobs and prosperity, and that free birth control is for women who can’t keep it in their pants.
POLLING BEAR: Your dad sounds like a real asshole, Stevey.
Kids gasp.
BILLY: So what do we do, Polling Bear?
POLLING BEAR: Why, get your parents to donate, of course!
SUZY: But isn’t political fundraising a race to the bottom that perpetuates our broken legislative system and enslaves progressive candidates to the same forces pushing the policies we’re campaigning against?
Polling Bear pauses for 45 seconds.
POLLING BEAR: No!
STEVEY: This all sounds great, Polling Bear, but do you have this same information in a shorter, more easily digestible, really garish format that I can read on my daily commute, and then fourteen further times during the day?
POLLING BEAR: I sure do!
Kids cheer.
POLLING BEAR: Now gather ‘round, kids - let’s all sign this birthday card to President Obama!
SUZY: Why?
POLLING BEAR: God dammit, Suzy.

ANNOUNCER (V/O): Next week, on Polling Bear…

INT. HOUSE ON DGA HILL - NIGHT

Polling Bear pulls up FiveThirtyEight on his iPad.
POLLING BEAR: It’s storytime, kids! Tonight, I’ll tell you the tale of how Nate Silver slew the Giant Kentucky Turtle…
SUZY: I think you’re misrepresenting Nate Silver’s conclusions about this race, Polling Bear.
POLLING BEAR: Suzy, if you could just shut the fuck up for five seconds.

Cut to commercial.

befitzgeraldwriting
I swear to every heaven ever imagined,
if I hear one more dead-eyed hipster
tell me that art is dead, I will personally summon Shakespeare
from the grave so he can tell them every reason
why he wishes he were born in a time where
he could have a damn Gmail account.
The day after I taught my mother
how to send pictures over Iphone she texted
me a blurry image of our cocker spaniel ten times in a row.
Don’t you dare try to tell me that that is not beautiful.
But whatever, go ahead and choose to stay in
your backwards-hoping-all-inclusive club
while the rest of us fall in love over Skype.
Send angry letters to state representatives,
as we record the years first sunrise so
we can remember what beginning feels like when
we are inches away from the trigger.
Lock yourself away in your Antoinette castle
while we eat cake and tweet to the whole universe that we did.
Hashtag you’re a pretentious ass hole.
Van Gogh would have taken 20 selflies a day.
Sylvia Plath would have texted her lovers
nothing but heart eyed emojis when she ran out of words.
Andy Warhol would have had the worlds weirdest Vine account,
and we all would have checked it every morning while we
Snap Chat our coffee orders to the people
we wish were pressed against our lips instead of lattes.
This life is spilling over with 85 year olds
rewatching JFK’s assassination and
7 year olds teaching themselves guitar over Youtube videos.
Never again do I have to be afraid of forgetting
what my fathers voice sounds like.
No longer must we sneak into our families phonebook
to look up an eating disorder hotline for our best friend.
No more must I wonder what people in Australia sound like
or how grasshoppers procreate.
I will gleefully continue to take pictures of tulips
in public parks on my cellphone
and you will continue to scoff and that is okay.
But I hope, I pray, that one day you will realize how blessed
you are to be alive in a moment where you can google search
how to say I love you in 164 different languages.
ericgeller
fastcompany:

“Climate Name Change” Turns Delusional Politicians Into Natural Disasters
To bring attention to the widespread apathy toward climate change, nonprofit group 350action and agency Barton F. Graf 9000 got a little personal. Tapping into the meteorological legacy of naming hurricanes after people — thereby marring the good names of unsuspecting Sandys, Irenes and Katrinas everywhere — “Climate Name Change” told the same storm story, but subbed in the name of prominent politicians who refuse to acknowledge climate change. So instead of citizen anger being directed at a whirl of wind and rain named Sandy, people could direct their ire at Michelle Bachman, a known climate change denier. The result is deadpan and absurd, but pointed in its attack.
Watch>

Awesome. Where’s the petition I can sign?

fastcompany:

“Climate Name Change” Turns Delusional Politicians Into Natural Disasters

To bring attention to the widespread apathy toward climate change, nonprofit group 350action and agency Barton F. Graf 9000 got a little personal. Tapping into the meteorological legacy of naming hurricanes after people — thereby marring the good names of unsuspecting Sandys, Irenes and Katrinas everywhere — “Climate Name Change” told the same storm story, but subbed in the name of prominent politicians who refuse to acknowledge climate change. So instead of citizen anger being directed at a whirl of wind and rain named Sandy, people could direct their ire at Michelle Bachman, a known climate change denier. The result is deadpan and absurd, but pointed in its attack.

Watch>

Awesome. Where’s the petition I can sign?

lomisthesamverse
girlgotmuscle:

lilinternetwarrior:

theidledrifter:

jane-b-nimbel:

thesanityclause:

youngmanandoldsoul:

“Killed 99 bears”
a fact that if actually accomplished, should be put on a tombstone.

My favorite part is “We hope he has gone to rest.” What, like… they weren’t sure? Maybe, if ever the bear uprising should start again, he would rise from the ground to finish what he started and slay that 100th bear?Was this man so powerful they are concerned he might not have decided to rest at all and is simply biding his time?

The bears made that tombstone.
A warning, and a prayer.
That he really, truely stays down.

This is too badass not to reblog.

#i had 99 problems and they were all bears so i fucking killed them

Reblog for last comment

Love it.

girlgotmuscle:

lilinternetwarrior:

theidledrifter:

jane-b-nimbel:

thesanityclause:

youngmanandoldsoul:

“Killed 99 bears”

a fact that if actually accomplished, should be put on a tombstone.

My favorite part is “We hope he has gone to rest.” What, like… they weren’t sure? Maybe, if ever the bear uprising should start again, he would rise from the ground to finish what he started and slay that 100th bear?

Was this man so powerful they are concerned he might not have decided to rest at all and is simply biding his time?

The bears made that tombstone.

A warning, and a prayer.

That he really, truely stays down.

This is too badass not to reblog.

Reblog for last comment

Love it.